Funny motivational quotes - Set 01

1. “I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.” — Benjamin Franklin

2. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” — Mark Twain

3. “Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees, and then kindness.” — Nanea Hoffman

4. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin

5. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — Winnie the Pooh

6. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” — Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

7. “My therapist says I'm afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.” — Maria Bamford

8. “Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist—while you guys were busy arguing about the glass of wine, I drank it! Sincerely, the opportunist!” — Lori Greiner

9. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” — Mark Twain

10. “Be the person that when your feet touch the floor in the morning the devil says, “Awe sh*t, they’re up”. — Dwayne Johnson

11. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” — Zach Galifianakis

12. “I have the same goal I've had ever since I was a girl. I want to rule the world.” — Madonna

13. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” — Dave Barry

14. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” — Oscar Wilde

15. “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” — Mindy Kaling

16. “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” — Anonymous

17. “The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” — Anonymous

18. “My wife told me I should embrace my mistakes. So, I hugged her.” — Anonymous

19. “Behind every successful man, there is a woman rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey

20. “I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me.” — Anonymous

21. “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” — Steven Wright

22. “I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, ‘They’re right behind you.’” — Anonymous

23. “I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” — Tommy Cooper

24. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” — Zach Galifianakis

25. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama

26. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” — Steven Wright

27. “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” — Emo Philips

28. “The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.” — Steve Jobs

29. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

30. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” — Tom Lehrer