Funny holiday quotes - Set 01
Posted by Olympiad Tester on
1. “The thing about Valentine’s Day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” — Faye Morgan
2. ”Never sign a Valentine with your own name.” — Charles Dickens
3. "Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone." — Lewis Black
4. “You’re never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.” — Mike Primavera
5. "Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all." — Jimmy Fallon
6. “Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” — Melanie White
7. "I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV." — Tracy Smith
8. “Without Valentine’s Day, February would be… well, January.” — Jim Gaffigan
9. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” — David Letterman
10. “Halloween was confusing. All my life, my parents said, ‘Never take candy from strangers.’ And then they dressed me up and said, ‘Go beg for it.’” — Rita Rudner
11. “If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.” — Douglas Coupland
12. “I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.” — Winston Spear
13. “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” — Phyllis Diller
14. "The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes." — Julius Sharpe
15. "You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights." — Maya Angelou
16. "Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help." — Andy Borowitz
17. “I hate the radio this time of year because they play 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.” — Bridger Winegar
18. “I thought it would funny to stuff my kids’ Christmas stocking with actual stockings. I’ve never heard crying like that.” — Conan O’Brien
19. "Santa Claus had the right idea. Visit people only once a year." — Victor Borge
20. "My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge." — Melanie White